What's In A Name

I never thought things through, 

all my thoughts vanish with you.

Engraving my heart,

but deflecting my head, 

the poison of your words is starting to spread.

Negativity seeps, depression creeps,

Your love is dry and talk is cheap.

I try to take matters in my own hands,

but you're relentless, heartless,

nothing withstands.

My love starts to vanish,

this smile is a lie,

you think I'm nervous, 

that I've gone shy.

If only you knew all my thoughts,

if you saw the trap,

before you were caught.

#21 I can't even fathom the fact that I have posted twenty different things on this site, remarkable when you think about it. I have no idea what I would do, if I didn't write. I mean I write more than you would think, I'm in the mist of a short story right now :) hehe. I guess my creativity and inspiration is a gift in itself. I mean sometimes I don't realize it, but I don't have what you would call just average writing abilities for a fifteen year old, at least that is what I like to think and although I do experience writers block from time to time, writing is what I turn to for self expression and without it, who knows what I would be like. (p.s. look at this a video AND a picture)

I think I've gone mad

Useless, powerless,

is there any escape?

All I've ever wanted is freedom from your corruption,

like poison running through my veins.

Is being blissful a crime in your world of despair?

Suffocate me not with ideas of my suffering,

but free me to have an open mind and a gratified spirit.

But you fence me in,

as the walls of your hell rise around me,

feeling a singe as they start to enclose.

Have you no mercy to my cries,

no kindness towards my desperate yells,

leave my soul to burn, 

as my body remains intact,

perhaps I've gone mad.

#20 I guess I am thankful for my life, though many a times I will question that, being raised in a generation that has gone through more despair in a decade than earlier generations have gone through in a century does raise concern to me. It is almost as if suicide has become a popular trend and there is really no escaping your own thoughts. Sometimes it amazes me what the human mind can come up with, the intricacy of it all. Most people who I have come into contact in my life have never seen something wrong with me, they assume that I am just another crazy, ignorant teenager, who doesn't care about anything than what she has planned after school, which I can honestly say I am not, I'm just trying to get through life just as anyone else, but when you are raised in a society that believes in giving up so easily it becomes harder to be stronger. But overall I believe that there is something worth it in life and that if there wasn't we wouldn't have been here in the first place.

Stress

How can I handle a world,

that can barely handle me?

How can I break through a barrier,

when I barely have strength to breath?

How can I move mountains,

when I trip on pebbles in the sand,

Pitty is much easier to come up with,

than to make an actual plan.

#19 I have to say that I am thankful for school. Sometimes I question the reason as to why humans imparticular go to school, why us? What did we do to deserve this? Knowledge can be the most powerful and most harmful tool in our entire lives and school is exactly what gives us this knowledge and teaches us how to use it. I can't imagine ever being home-schooled, no matter how "similar" people may say it is, to me, it isn't not at all. I would have never met ninety-five percent of my friends had it not been for school. But when you think about it, I would have never created ninety-five percent of my problems had it not been for school. But that is what life is about gaining knowledge today and using it for tomorrow. To my teachers, all the faculty of the school, yes even that mean janitor on the first floor, thank you, not that I think they will ever read this :P

Some Of The Truth

     

     In my family I am always been taught to just seek out what I am doing wrong. At a young age my mother asked who wanted to help her clean the house, being younger and always wanting to do things with your mother I volunteered. Even back then she used to yell at me and get frustrated because I wasn't doing things right, I was five.

     I've grown up in an enviroment where I'm not told, "your pretty," I'm told, "Well you would be pretty if.." Never told I'm smart, only told, "Well you should try harder" any and all accomplishments I've ever made are just another day to my family. I guess I have never been enough. Everyday my mother comes home she already sees something in me that she has to fix, for once I want to be good enough.

     But does it really matter to me? No its sad, knowning that when I leave this home I am probably never going to come back, not even because I don't want to but I can't, I can't help but just feel horrible every single minute that I am in this place. I used to cry in private, but now I don't even care, I'll cry openly in front of my family, not that they care, they just call me dramatic, they sigh and say, "Here she goes again. . ."

      But you know what is the worst thing about all of this? The fact that there are families far worse beyond mine, yet I have the nerve to pity myself, which just makes me feel worse about everything that I am doing, trying to balance it all out is the worse possible solution, so I guess I will have to drown in my own thoughts until someone, anyone, drags me out to shore, probably just to leave me there, because they don't care either.

#17 I am thankful for age, even though as I get older I will probably regret saying this, imagine if everyone just stayed the same age forever? Imagine being fifteen forever? Needless to say that the government is run, by a bunch of idiots now, but what if they were all just fifteen, too young for those kinds of responsibility, there would be no birthdays, and no legal age to drink. Age is what life's way of telling you to move on from one phase to another. I don't think that I would be able to without someone there pushing me, showing me the way, although age is mostly physical and "but a number" I feel like it helps people reminisce of a life before, how could we have memories if they were all at the same time so to say, how would I move out if I stayed fifteen forever?

Up To The Sky, Just To Fall Back On The Ground

 

My feet were planted firmly on the ground

So why am I high in the sky right now?

Floating freely

but underneath sinking deeply

everything in life has a dark twist to it

almost as if we are never just "safe" 

I can try and pull my self out from underneath a black whole,

but do I really ever escape?

#13 I am grateful for having blogger in the first place, it has actually brought me some pretty cool experiences and I have been able to share my true feelings about anything and not have to feel like hiding them from the public (:

Found An Old Paper I did

     I took a moment to look around, unsure of what to think. Fear had overruled

my mind, as with so many other humans, in fact that was the one thing that had

brought us closer, through fear. After a struggle freedom seems impossible.

Once you fall it's hardest to get up. So how is it that I am here now? How is it

that a place so corrupt can still be beautiful? yet, it is still possible.

Nature's beauty is intoxicating, the way it soothes your mind, cleanses your

soul, as if you are at peace with the world for just a moment. A moment you

wish could last forever.

      To breath in a fresh breath of this air, crisp and cool on a day like

this, almost as if to run to a secret place faraway. To be at rest and forget

the pressure upon your everyday life, not being expected of anything, no need

to run from your mistakes. Felonies are a thing of the past, love is of the

future. Un-burdened, almost weightless, trying to make this last as long as

you possibly can.

       A feeling of relaxation overtakes your body; you begin to wonder why you

decided to deal with such a harsh world in the first place. then you realize you

had to. Reality strikes, you stand up, almost coming out of your own dream,

and walk away. Leaving this beauty for someone else to notice, or perhaps,

be ignored.

#12 I am grateful for relief, imagine having to feel burdened your whole life. It is absolutely true when someone tells you that the way your mindset is can affect your whole life, because, trust me, it can. The more negative I am some days, the worse those days go, but the feeling that you can wake up the next morning lie in bed and just feel damn relieved, that is the best feeling anyone could ask for, you can't forget memories, but you can replace them, and you can make new ones.

Happiness

Why couldn't I follow?

Unanswered Questions,

leave me empty and hollow.

Why didn't you take me?

Was I really that bad?

I didn't think,

that I made you that sad,

If I told you I missed you,

Would that change a thing?

Or did you already,

forget everything?

#10 (reaching double digits!) I am thankful for music, I have no idea how I could ever survive life without it. I am so grateful to all the producers who create music, yes even the crappy main stream stuff. I cannot begin to imagine how I would be able to express myself without music.

I Wish You The Best

I'm so sick of you empty promises,

beating me down into the ground,

taking breaths, but swallowing dirt,

Nothing to do but cry,

when life loses hope,

you lose life,

so then why are you still here?

Waiting,

Watching,

Praying,

Deceiving,

lying,

cheating,

why can't you just leave me alone?

In my own denial.

#9 I am thankful for smiles. Any sort, evil, happy, trickery, sincerity, it doesn't matter. When someone smiles it makes me think, that maybe, just for a moment, they actually care, it is a natural process that the human body uses, denial of what is real, of what is true, of what is.

I Really Just Want To Be Creamated

Putting myself in ruins,

trying to escape out of this dirt hole,

ten feet deep,

filled with sorrow,

no remorse,

no guilt,

as they close in on me,

lift their shovels with pride,

with joy,

with satisfaction

#8 I am thankful for failure. How could I ever know what it feels like to succeed, truly succeed without the comprehension of what it is like to fail, truly fail. I am grateful that I can accept my own defeat even if it means, picking the headstone for my grave.

You Don't Even Know.......

I thought that maybe if I showed you my world,

opened up,

you'd see exactly where I have been,

walked my trails,

with soles worn out,

and a heart still racing,

where can I go from here?

#7 I am grateful for all the wonderful people on blogspot. I've never had people care about me as much as you, it's wonderful, all the talent that each person on here contains. This has gotten me through some ruff as hell times. I don't even know how to express my gratitude.

p.s (took this one my self, proud or what :P

If This Is True Than I Am As Good As Dead

I flew off the ground,

into the sky,

I flew over trees,

going so high,

I stopped in a forest,

cold and lost,

Tried to guide my way back,

But I payed the cost,

The sky had turned gray,

rain fallen down,

I tried flying back up,

but instead I drowned,

under the water,

under the sea,

gasping for air,

someone help me,

calls I keep crying,

I am soon to be dying,

gravity returns,

I sink to the bottom.

#6 I am grateful for the nature of this world. The lush forests, the wonderful beaches, even the gray skies that may hover above me. Nature is passionate, emotional, and very frisky. It keeps things alive in the world. As every disaster strikes people are brought together. I think it is funny to try to face the impossible.

Another Day Another Morning

Off to school in about an hour....

Pick or choose your favorite power,

This is a rhyme I tried to make,

But just turned out a big mistake,

I am not a rhymer, am I much?

Not that I care to rhyme and such,

This was more fun than I intended,

And as I talk I have not pretended,

To fool you to believe any lies,

Can you see the truth that is in my eyes?

#2 I am definitely grateful for the sun, I mean what would we do without it? It is basically a big ball of warmth and comfort to us, the thought of it not being there is rather scary.

Inspiration Only

This is a safe haven, a magical place, where nothing is wrong. Only inspirational things can be written here. This is actually designed off of what someone had as their facebook status:

buy a blank notebook. draw a huge heart on the cover. don't write anything negative in here. if you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. this one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. write in it every day, and each day write one thing you're grateful for in your life. ♥

Even though I may hate the person behind this status does not mean that I shouldn't do it, so I guess this is it, inspiration only